fight me, you fools!

if you dare...

http://party-fowl.mybrute.com

what would prof. sprout think?

now that's what i call herbology.

high level humor at the southside irish parade

i've been way busy lately, so i'm still trying to catch up with stuff that happened over the past month.

my cousin came to visit for the southside parade last month. we met up with some friends and had a pretty good time, in spite of the droves of drunken teenagers with shamefully horrible brogues and "fuck me, i'm irish!" t-shirts.

the weather was surprisingly warm and sunny for chicago in mid-march (i wasn't even wearing a coat), which was pretty nice... except that i was fairly sunburned from my trip to california, and the unusually clement weather exacerbated the situation.

we were waiting at a bathroom line when my cousin waved and said he had to tell me something. i asked what he wanted, and he kept telling me to come closer.

given our long, long history of inflicting physical/psychological discomfort on each other for entertainment, this should have been my first clue that something was wrong. unfortunately, it had been a long night/day and i went over anyway.

"what the hell is it?" i asked.

"i just wanted to tell you that now you're standing in puke," he said.

delightful.

after a brief hiatus...

ok, i'm back now. here's something that happened a few weeks ago:

i was at a party at my friend steve's apartment in wicker park, boozing it up with some bros.

we were down in his basement drinking and i saw an older lady, probably late 50's, wandering around the place. she had this weird hat that looked kind of like a beret and a massive canvas bag clutched tight to her chest. she looked for all the world like an older hippie who refused to age gracefully, vainly attempting to "hang" with the "kids."

after watching her for a bit, i realized i was only half-right; she most likely was an aging hippie, but she didn't seem to care much for hanging out. true to the enterprising entrepreneurship that made america great, she was circulating around the party selling homemade pumpkin muffins laced with (gasp) marijuana. it was like a real-life episode of "weeds."

she eventually made her way over to me, and said "you want one?"

i responded: "what do you have?"
old lady: (snorts) "what do you think?"
me: "i dunno, a bag."
old lady: "are you a cop?"
me: "what do you think?"
old lady: "they're drug muffins. five dollars each."
me: "i see..."

i casually pulled my coat aside and gave her quick glimpse of my shirt, which happened to have something that looked like a police star on the upper left part of my chest.

she was pretty old and she looked like she was about to have a heart attack when i did that, so i only strung her along for a few seconds. but it's nice when you can still make someone's eyes bug out with terror after so many years.

goodbye career, hello sex offender registration

i used to work at a newspaper a while back. my friend casey wound up covering my old school district beat and i occasionally enjoy checking up on what's going on there, particularly with that rogues' gallery they call a school board. he broke this rather disturbing story today: Rich South teacher accused of having sex with student.

i can't decide which aspect of this story i find more unsettling; that the teacher in question happens to be the boys' cross country coach or that she bought the student a bottle of cologne.

you win again, britain

why can't we have sweet stamps like these? the dragon is obviously awesome, but i also really like the pixie riding the snail because it reminds me of "the neverending story."

i almost never mail physical letters, but i think i might be more inclined to do so if the U.S. postal service would let me use stamps with pictures of a gorgon or a hippogriff or something sweet instead of all that lame ass shit they use now.

i actually came across that one on neil gaiman's blog. i really like his stuff and would recommend him to anyone who likes reading in general. i'm reading "sandman" right now and it's incredible. i haven't read too many graphic novels, but there's some amazing stuff out there and you're depriving yourself if you think they're just crappy comic books.

i've also read "neverwhere" and "good omens" (which was co-written by terry pratchett, another of my favorites.), both of which i thought were great.

plus "coraline" in 3-d was incredibly cool and honestly quite creepy. god help all the parents who brought their kids to that thinking it was going to be like "nightmare before christmas."

BOOOOOOO!

well, there goes yet another fun thing that is never going to happen again.

R.I.P. southside irish parade.

buy me bonestorm, or go to hell!

apparently, the person who wrote this terrible piece about controversial video games thinks "little big planet" is more controversial than "night trap" and "thrill kill."

for non-video game players, that means "night trap," which was pulled from the shelves due to misguided hysteria over its content, and "thrill kill," a game so absurdly violent for its time that EA refused to release it mere weeks before its launch date, were somehow less controversial than "little big planet," a puzzle game about a smiling rag doll whose "controversy" was that a song in the game happened to contain verses from the quran... which was pulled and it made its scheduled release.

granted, this is probably just some horseshit fluff piece designed to give "resident evil 5" more attnetion... but shame on you either way, yahoo! games.

a fridge too far

behold the myriad varieties of mayonnaise and miracle whip (none of which are mine because i hate that crap) in our refrigerator:


apparently they've started spawning, as i recently found a brand new member had joined our little mayo flock:

enter the dragon

i finally set it up so i can transfer pictures from my phone to my computer. here's a picture of that five-headed dragon incense burner i was talking about the other day:

it's even better than you thought, right?