fast food is so gross

i swear to god i hate those fucking charmin toilet paper bears. what is the deal with that advertising campaign? the last thing i want to think about is fat cartoon bears crapping and then being too slovenly to... blargh. i'm stopping this now because i'm going to have one blog post this month that doesn't relate to something disgusting.

you know what other ad campaign has really been weirding me out lately? that burger king stuff.

first there was that "whopper virgins" thing which was just really creepy sounding. it was like they would go to remote villages in mountain communities and steppe plains and stuff like that, and offer these really rural people a taste test between a whopper and a big mac or something.

i can't even imagine how some dude from a transylvanian village with a population of 50 people who's been eating homemade bread and venison and shit his whole life would feel after eating a fucking whopper and a big mac for the first time, both of which are loaded with all kinds of preservatives and chemicals and fat.

then after that there was the whole whopper friend sacrifice thing on facebook. i think that only lasted like a week before they shut it down because it was so weird. they had you defriend 10 people on facebook and you got a coupon for a free whopper.

that's pretty insulting... telling someone that they mean less to you than one-tenth of a disgusting fast food hamburger. plus it's a weird leap to go from virgins to sacrifice... what if their next promotion is having you sacrifice 10 actual virgins on some creepy altar in exchange a free whopper but it's really some crazy ass lovecraftian plot to reawaken a chthonic god of destruction from his timeless slumber to wreck havok upon the world of the living? ever think about that shit, man?

so then after that, they had all these ads for that angrygram promotion on facebook. when i went to that site, an animated whopper hopped around and told me that my feet were so moldy they were mistaken for a fifth-grade science project.

dang y'all, whopper just TOLD me. i haven't been burned like that since the gentleman at the improv comedy club described how fat my mama was in a most amusing fashion.