perhaps i have the brainpan of a stagecoach tilter

yesterday, i went to a doctor's appointment right after work. i was alone in the waiting room when a couple in their early 60's entered.

the woman was morbidly obese and looked like a giant, scowling badger walking on its hind legs because of her enormous fur coat and hat. the man was short and limped because of a soft cast on his foot.

the man sat down and the woman put down her purse next to him. she looked directly at me (the only other person in the room), scowled again, audibly instructed the man to watch her purse and stomped off toward the bathroom.

wow, thanks lady. i haven't felt that good since a girl on the el called me "scary."

first of all you old harpy, if i wanted your stupid purse, a decrepit old man with a broken foot certainly (well... let's say "most likely") wouldn't stop me. furthermore, wouldn't you just assume your fucking spouse would watch your purse for you? do you really need to specifically ask him to do so? i bet you're a real pleasure at home.

i've crafted a few hypotheses as to why the bitchy old bat reacted the way she did:

1. she previously was robbed by a different 25-year-old master's student in business casual attire who was waiting to receive his allergy shots, and the sight of me brought these traumatic memories flooding back to her.
   
2. she is a phrenologist and noticed the contours of my skull indicate a base and criminal nature, striking fear into her geriatric heart.
   
3. she's just a bitchy old bat.