even the reviled roman emperor commodus gave people free bread. and circuses.

whenever i go to the dominick's near my house, i always have some kind of irritating but really mundane experience. it's starting to make me wonder if it's possible for a person to be incompatible with a building the way some people just don't really get along.

like if i had to hang out with a dude from southern illinois who was really into accesorizing his truck and listening to toby keith. we probably wouldn't beat each other up or anything, but i'm betting neither of us would have a great time.

but in this case, i think it's more like the dominick's is a 53-year-old white guy who drives too slow, complains about minutia at town meetings, and starts conversations about his boring/weird hobby, like collecting antique toy cars.

those kinds of people make me frustrated and annoyed to the point where i just want to end the encounter immediately... and that's what happens every single time i go there.

like one time i went there with my girlfriend and she left her purse in the car. i grabbed some wine and we went to the check-out. the cashier carded me and then tried to card jackie... then got all leery when she had no ID.

(at this point i have to grudgingly concede that my girlfriend is youthful looking, but it shouldn't have mattered because i had an ID).

she eventually handed it over, but the whole time i was thinking "mother of god, sell us the stupid wine and stop making such a big deal out of this because if you have any brains you know that i will go to the liquor store that's less than a block away if you don't."

and part of me was really, really insulted that she thought that i would be stupid enough to go into the store and get in line with the underage girl for whom i was buying liquor.

another time was near christmas and i had forgotten something, so i had to run back in after i had already gone to my car. that's my own fault, but while i was there the same salavation army woman asked me for money three times.

i wasn't even annoyed that she was asking me for money. it's that she thought i somehow didn't notice her while she was ringing a bell and shouting "merry christmas" and wearing a bright red vest/santa cap and standing near the main entrance/exit with a giant red kettle that said "SALVATION ARMY." with all that, asking passersby if they want to donate money was the straw that broke the intrusiveness camel's back.

more stuff happened, but i think i've made my point.

so finally tonight i went there and i picked up two loaves of bread from the bakery. they were from earlier in the day and they have stamps that say it's free after 7 p.m. or whatever. they're still perfectly fine and i grab some if any of them look good.

i got in the "express lane," which proved a laughably ironic title considering the cashier was a geriatric woman who kept making mistakes and performed her job at a glacial pace.

and, once again, this was not the part that annoyed me.

i noticed she rang up the loaves of bread and i was like "oh, excuse me, it said they were free after seven."

she scrunched up her face with this look of confusion and suspicion and i fucking knew the moment was about to happen. i wound up bagging my own groceries in the time it took her to call a manager and ask about the dumb bread.

so then she hung up the phone and was like "yeah, you have to pay for those."

me: why?
cashier: because all the bakers are gone for the day.
me: what? (points to bag) there's a stamp on the bag right there that says it's free.
cashier: none of the bakers are here to give it to you though.
me: what does that have to do with anything? they'll just get thrown away and every other cashier lets me take them.
cashier: i'm sorry sir but you have to pay for-
me: gahhhh i don't care anymore get rid of them.

i wanted to be all "WHAT DON'T YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND?!" but i just paid and left.

this time i'm mad because that bread is really good.