you gotta pay the troll toll

one of the first things i noticed when i moved into my current residence is probably 80 percent of the mail that gets delivered here is either junk or stuff for previous occupants.

we seriously get like 15 pieces of mail per week for one of the people who lived here last year... charles something. i guess roommate 2 tried calling the post office a couple times to tell them to stop delivering charles' stuff here and they ignored him.

and charles is getting some pretty important shit too... i think there were like three of those red light camera traffic tickets and some bank statements and i think once there was a jury duty notice. plus he gets about three pieces of mail per week from the state tollway collection agency.

we didn't really know what to do with all this stuff. i suggested throwing it away because i don't give a shit but i was overruled because it's apparently some kind of crime to throw away someone's mail, and the fucking mail police will dive in through the windows and gun us down the moment we start doing that. so now i'm playing custodian for the mail of some guy i've never met who is too irresponsible to spend five minutes filling out a change-of-address form.

anyhoo, i was sorting through the daily delivery of charles-related mail and junk when i started getting really annoyed and wondering what the hell was in all this stuff. i accidentally opened one of the pieces of mail from the tollway collection agency... and my mind was totally blown.

charles owes more than $3,000 in fines for skipping tolls! $3,000!?! for the love of god charles, how is that even possible? what are you doing to achieve this financial self-immolation?

i accidentally continued reading the letter and it appears charles was just routinely not paying tolls! what kind of mush-headed simpleton thinks he's actually getting away with just driving through the ipass lanes?! did he not see those big, camera-shaped things? christ.

so i guess if you know a guy named charles, tell him to pick up his fucking mail.