an opportunity for growth*

for the past several months, i've been living with two people i met over the internet because i didn't know anyone who wanted to live in this area. one of the greatest joys of living with people who i had never met before is the exciting opportunities for personal growth that come hand-in-hand with embarking on these new interpersonal relationships.

we should savor those flickers of surprise when initially confronted with someone's quirks... then the richness of the journey of attempting to make sense of these oddities and idiosyncrasies... and finally the moment of transcendent enlightenment in which one learns to appreciate, rather than judge, the patchwork of intangible qualities that form our utterly unique, beautifully flawed and indelibly human souls.

i myself experienced one such quirk when i went downstairs to get ready for work this morning and noticed our bathroom sink was filled with vomit. i stood quietly for a moment and took in the situation, the sour stench of bile emanating from where i usually shave and brush my teeth.

what a charming eccentricity! someone with whom i have signed a lease evidently thinks leaving vomit in the sink of our house's only bathroom is acceptable behavior!

once again employing my goren-esque deductive skills, i almost immediately determined it was roommate 1.

1. the vomit was dry, so it must have happened several hours ago, which doesn't fit roommate 2's schedule.

2. its color and consistency (i'll spare you the details) appear to match roommate 1's dinner last night, which was a frozen pizza. i know this because the box, cardboard cutting surface, plastic wrapping and dirty pizza cutter were still on the counter.

3. the vomiter chose to use the sink instead of the toilet (which is less than six inches to the right and is far easier to clean), and roommate 1 is exactly the kind of stupid fucking shit-for-brains who would do something like that.

4. and, most tellingly, i was standing in our kitchen a few months ago and personally witnessed roommate 1 vomit into our kitchen sink and leave for work without cleaning it up... so there's some precedent involved, but that's a story for another day.

BUT! i decided not to jump to conclusions and fly into a rage as i once might have done. as i drove to work, my fetid morning breath fogging my windows because i was too grossed out to brush my teeth, i reflected on what i had seen.

roommate 1 may have been gravely ill and had to be rushed to the hospital. but then she wouldn't have been sleeping on the living room couch with the cartoon network blaring at her unhearing ears.

maybe roommate 1 is an avant-garde provocateur, who last night delivered a biting commentary on society's notions of hygiene and challenged me to confront the ludicrousness of humanity's attempts to sterilize the world. take that, establishment!

perhaps roommate 1 had been reading up on natural cleaning agents. is it such a stretch to think she attempted to use her powerful stomach acid to scour our sink clean of the accumulation of dried toothpaste scum and weeks-old purple hair dye that she herself left there?

but when all is said and done, i suppose i'm just thankful roommate 1 was thoughtful enough to share this part of herself with me. i can't wait to talk about this with her in person. that's another funny quirk of hers; she never answers her phone whenever she does something a less enlightened person would characterize as "mind-numbingly stupid and disgustingly inconsiderate."

* alternate title: VomitOnMySink, an homage to my pal jessica.